求之不得 寤寐思服

Johor is... well, not bad yet not so good.

But the things are really cheap and Felicia kept telling me that things in KL are much cheaper.

Tempted.

 

We went shopping, had lunch at Kim Gary, shopping again, had dinner, bought wonton mee, then back to SG.

 

I feel so tired.

 

Suddenly all the bad things just happen and, I don't know what to do.

It's too late to regret, and I'll have to bear the consequences.

 

Sam got drunk again.

Talked nonsense to me over the msn and kept typing all the repeated words which made me feel giddy.

I think CF must have felt very angry? or...at least upset?

 

Everyone, everyone in this world, is survivor. In times of good and bad, rain and sunny, we'll just have to survive through all the difficulties.

人们相爱。勇敢，坚强，忠贞。 
不分年龄，不分国籍，甚至。不分性别。 
可是谁能保证两人的手能跟一路牵到终点？ 
不要永远，不要无尽的爱，不要生生世世。 
只要现在，只要现在在一起，就一定要去珍惜--- 
因为，生命中有太多意外。 
或许一不小心。 
就再也没有谁会像那个人那样的爱你。

I hope that we can work this out together.

 

I love you always.

Went Raynuga's house for Deepavali Opening, and... I love her house!!! Seems so cozy and clean and simple and, so indian. haha~ 

After dinner, some of us went for a drink.

Sam, CF, Yaoqi, me, each of us bought a devil's horn hairband with flash lights and wore it on our head. Sam looked so gay with pink, and astro boy with red. CF didn't really care how he looked. Why scared? Yaoqi and me were pretty... hahahaha

 

Some things to grumble...

 

This is for Mr. Li.

 

你可以出去玩，have fun，我无所谓。可是我真的真的真的非常讨厌，你每次告诉我诸如此类的话：我吃完饭打给你；我等下打给你；我到家打给你。可是结果都是在我等了几个小时之后开始不耐烦，打给你问你怎么没给我打电话，还有为什么凌晨四点还不睡觉，而你的回答又是：我睡觉前打给你。

 

我烦。你以为我很有耐心？狗屁。忍了这么久，谁还能有耐心。

 

别总是告诉我，今天我就陪你好好说话聊天。可多久才能有这么一次的好好说话？

 

等到你想跟我说话的时候，也许我已经不想说了。因为心情坏透。

 

不要每次说爱我，但又做着让我生气难过的事情好不好？

 

我只觉得自己对你越来越陌生，因为说话的时间越来越少，而吵架的次数却越来越多。

我最最最讨厌：“我等下打给你”这句话。

 

反正我明天开学了，也没时间应酬你了。

 

周末也不留点时间给我。

 

SHUT.

 

It's not like I'm making a fuss out of this tiny matter, but it has become a vicious cycle.

早上起床打电话给李先生，说是红楼梦剧组到了加拿大，正7饭。ok，挂了。

 

然后有个声音很像李先生而且英语说的“不是很好”的男人打电话来，无来电显示，我料定是李先生，笑眯眯的听他说完：i'm from ** agency。然后我来了句：your english sucks。后来那人就挂了。

 

一失足成千古恨啊。后来越想越不对劲，等到补习中心发来邮件我才想到，会不会是有工作了，而我这么一句话就把工作丢了？

 

我真的以为是李先生啊。

Sam asked me to visit his blog so i could know what happened during the class chalet. And...you know, I like to grab things from people's blog and SHARE. Indeed, what a kind heart I have. *thick skin eh*

 

So this is what I've gotten, Sam's encounter(long-winded though, i'll leave it. just thoughts i'll post here) with money:

 

 

Cute Sam.

We talked about being drunk too.

Thanks a million to my second absence from the class chalet so I wasn't hugged by him, cos after he got drunk he just went round hugging everyone. So being anti-social has saved me from Mr. Li's jealousy.

Muaha.

明天要回国了。三年没回去了，也不觉得多紧张雀跃，就是有点儿害怕。

每次回去都会被人说三道四的，这里做不好，那里惹人嫌。

所以每次回去之前都会告诫自己，要做好，别个人留下话柄。

可是结果都是一样的。

 

 

心情不好，所以，

跟安帛去唱歌，一个字：爽。

跟安帛一起就是无拘无束，放开手脚，天南地北啥都能聊。

安帛一路狂飚五月天。

我俩是M型K歌，她唱HIGH我唱LOW，时不时地批评或称赞或嘲笑MV里的人物。

 

Party World得价钱不错，环境也比较好，KBOX以后就靠边站吧！

真替某三人担心。败诉的话要赔偿违约金吧？

 

“给了我们无数的激情美好的回忆。愿回忆长存。”

 

我不要回忆！我要现在！！！

 

TVXQ always in the PRESENT!!!!

 

 

Good news. 终于联络上了。谢谢凯凯哥带着电话卡回来。

美中不足的一点就是过去的一个星期间某人就闯祸了，不过在信里都自己承认了。认错态度很好。

最好笑的是过海关的时候被检查信件，人家海关人员看了直笑，估计鸡皮疙瘩都掉了一地了。

凯凯哥交了女朋友，军校的。真酷。干净、利落、爽快，最怕那种扭扭捏捏故作姿态的女人了。

军校的好啊！

 

It's been a warm and happy day.

Projects are gone although exams' coming.

I'me finally able to contact Mr. Li, and knowing that he's fine is the best news I've ever heard.

I couldn't stop smiling while on the way home.

 

Muahahaha.

我觉得以前的我太单纯，抑或身边的人也都太单纯了。

我从来没遇到过这种事情。我不明白为什么有人可以坏成这样？

我忍得够了，我希望事情不会这么发展下去。

我只想平静地度过这几年，然后离开，再也不踏足这块土地，它让我厌恶。

 

Friend said, all RUMORS, we must BELIEVE in them.

 

Then I realised that I should believe.

 

Deep in my heart I've been wishing this whole thing to be some sort of prank or rumor.

 

Anyway,

 

I'm proud to be a Cassiopeia, and I will believe.

现在看来，似乎H.O.T.当年的事情正在重演。

这是很多人都预言过的，东方神起终有一日会解散，而且下场和H.O.T.一样，没想到这一天来得这么快。

从在和仟他们入股crebeau的时候就有不好的预感了，事实证明今天的解约一事和crebeau也有关。

我真的真的真的好难过。来得太快，打击太大。

 

仙后有权反对吗？当然有，但反对无效。

我觉得，在他们似乎太自私了。虽说浩和珉跟他们同一阵线，但是解散后这两只该何去何从？

虽然俩人现在已经各自接拍了电视剧，但“东方神起”一直都是五个人啊。

即使浩代言EVISU的时候，媒体说的也是：“东方神起的瑜卤允浩”。

 

“DBSK is not an individual or a mere single company but rather a group that represents not only Korea but Asia as a whole. ”

 

I am no one to comment about this or put this whole conflict to a hault. I can't help but feel terribly sad and sad about this whole thing. They are every part of my daily life, and it's been more than 5 years! I think I'll just need time to adjust myself and face the reality.

 

就像大吧里说的：“有五个男人可看，有五个男人可想，有五个男人可牵挂，有五个男人可花痴，还能抽出什么想些有的没的，做些可有可无的事情的人，可以回家替父母干点家务啥的。千言万语，其实就是一句话：他们是东方神起，我们是仙后。这不是因果关系，是六年来一直守候的情谊，是坚持的力量，也是守护的力量。他们之间，我们之间，他们和我们之间，这些情谊就像是一条坚实的锁链，是不可能被轻易切断的。 相信我们该相信的。 ”

Who's the one who said that pressure increases productivity?

 

I'm sooooo stressed up. Things are always done in the last minute and thus, with low quality.

 

I really dislike group projects.

 

I can't complete all the tasks by myself even if I want to.

 

Poor Sammy has to complete the speech himself, and I feel so pressurised when I see him pressurised, although he's the leader.

 

Arghhh... but I've come to know more about capital punishment. And thus realise how cruel humans are, not just in the ancient times, but now and, I believe, in the future as well. Singapore has a very strict law against drug trafficking. Anyone who's in Singapore, including the first step onto Changi Airport,  found with heroin more than 15g, will be executed.

 

One of the similar topics available is euthanasia. The girls screamed like hell when they saw the photo of this patient being starved to death, by her husband's will. This is euthanasia, whereby sprouse or parents or children of yours can choose to let you live, or die.

 

There's also organ trading. I would say that except for today's capital punishment, which is using hanging or lethal injection or maybe electrical chair or firing squad, euthanasia and organ trading are both unethical.

 

Well, that's my personal opinion.

 

One big problem that troubles me the most is, Mr. Li's going back to China and we'll not be able to contact each other for one month or more. Thanks to the recent chaos in XinJiang.

 

I wonder how am I going to endure.

I can't believe that I did such a stupid thing: banged my head on the wall.

Not on purpose, definitely.

Just that the room was too dark and I was too engaged with the phone call with my hubby and I didn't see where I was going and I banged my head, to be exact, temple, when turning around the corner.

Phew... that's long.

And then, all of a sudden I feel that I've become more stupid. There goes my wisdom and creativity and memories and happiness and whatsoever more.

 

I've been getting minor injuries these days, two scratches on my hands, knocked my elbows twice, and now my head......

 

It seems not a big deal but, *I'M IN PAIN*

 

So far, I'm doing fine and adapting well in school, just that some people are trying to make life difficult for others.

Projects are delayed and delayed and delayed, how I wish I could point at her nose and say, "If you procastinate further, your peer evaluation is dead, DEAD!!!"

 

And that bit** whom I'm not interested to even find out her name, can even speak bad about me infront of my face.

Many times I've told myself that this person is outta my sight and hearing, who the hell cares about what she says, she's not even my friend.

 

Enough grumbles. Life goes on.

 

Thanks to darling RINA.

She promised that I would not become stupid after banging my head.

muaha, time to go to bed......

送走了五只羊，心里挺过意不去的因为我不能送他去机场。

 

晚上一起吃了螃蟹，好撑，结果回家继续吃螃蟹......

 

五只羊老是让我去加拿大玩。

 

我也想啊，偶家老公在那儿呢我能不想嘛......

 

这几天玩得挺开心，最主要还是吃吃吃吃吃。

 

今早刚吵完架，电脑就坏掉了，享年三个月。

然后lecturer没来学校居然也不通知我们，白等她一个小时。

 

一整天闷闷不乐，跟五只羊去见了小学老师心里才舒爽一点。

见到老师就如见到亲人一般，几乎喜极而泣，握着老师的手不住点头憨笑。

那一刻才发现我是这么的累。小时候那些为学业而烦恼的烦恼根本就微不足道。

 

我万万想不到会发生这种事情。心里真难受，难受得想把你的心剖出来，看看里边究竟有没有我。

I had been walking for 4 consecutive hours.

 

It seems life is in this way that we wouldn't feel tired until we really stop and rest.

 

This is the first time ever, that I feel so lonely, I thought of calling up everyone in my contact book to accompany me.

 

Eventually, I gave up after calling my siblings.

 

People are just too busy to bother about you.

 

Mr Li was MIA until I came home in the evening. And by then I was too tired to bother about him, and anyone else.

 

I just told Belinda last night that I'm used to being alone now, and here I am feeling lonely once again.

 

I think I'm just too tired, and I'll have to find things to occupy myself and be more tired.

一把包裹拿在手上，就忍不住哭了。想说这是你用你的咸猪手摸过的。

 

又，一看到上面典型的幼儿园comic字体就忍不住笑了。

 

我真的好想你。

 

--------------------------------

 

另，今天是公主生日，27岁了，皮又松了一点儿了。

再嚣张点儿吧，过几年，老了，就没那个机会和本钱了。

 

生日快乐。

我也好开心哦。

 

五只一开始就是抱着要登上东京巨蛋舞台的梦想，现在终于实现了。

 

某花说：一开始还以为是骗我们的。

 

我要首先恭喜一下，然后不满一下。啥时候再来马来西亚啊~？

 

-----------------

 

预祝东方神起7月4、5号东京巨蛋演唱会成功~~~！

预祝东方神起7月11号北京演唱会成功~~~！

预期（预先期盼）东方神起再来马来西亚开演唱会吧~~~！

和老公视频来着，挺久一次，心里有点儿不舒服。

 

我清楚这是因为对方变得让我感觉太陌生了。

 

I've been trying to avoid this kind of feelings, and when it overwhelms me, I feel like crying.

我要申明，现在是假期，可是我几乎天天去学校不说还一呆12个小时！！！

 

昨天做html project做到8点多才勉强做完，整个人浑浑噩噩地，回到家检查一下才发现好多错误地方。

 

然后几个人就缠着俺去班里办的BBQ，说是如果俺不去的话那就是BB没有Q了，所以俺得去！好大地面子啊！不过俺还是不去~

 

期间俺们四个人先是讲鬼故事，然后用各自电脑轮流去youtube上面......看、鬼、片。

 

GHOST TRAIN，过程中只要预感恐怖的地方要来鸟俺就巴人家Claudia身上做缩头乌龟，弄得Justin那死小子说俺们是les。

 

然后俺就量出俺跟老公的照片，某人乖乖闭嘴~~

 

由于电影引用俺们日常生活滴交通工具：地铁，以及地下道（我每天搭地铁至少20分钟在地下道里）。

 

所以俺昨晚回家滴时候特别害怕，心肝儿那个颤颤啊~~~

 

不过的确是减压减压啊啊啊，I managed to complete my speech, statistics and html.

 

不过，还有俩最复杂地，microeconomics & principles of managment...... muaaaaaaa, 想翘掉又不行，mua hate peer evaluation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

话说我看到了这个：

米爷的冰淇淋店，当然，other than seeing yummy ice-cream, i see fats and sugar.

可是看起来真的好好吃哦，昨天经过Häagen-Dazs，想起和某老鼠最后一次吃的raspberry加绿茶，口水横流，然后被同学拖走了......

 

5555，我要去韩国啦！！！

不过在那之前，我要先去加拿大。